Hhhh how easy is it for someone like you, a successful teenager, to say "don't worry about success guys". You're 19 and have the skills of a 30 year old. You're being hired professionally. What do you have to say to artists like me that work hard ever day to improve and can still only dream of creating like you?

I’ve typed up a couple different responses to this but I think I finally know how I want to answer. Because I get it, I do; you’re frustrated. You don’t feel like you’re where you want to be. 

You’re an outsider looking into my life through little snippets I’ve released. And I recognize that in many ways, I have reached a level of success, and I’m incredibly thankful for it. I have a decent amount of followers, I have a steady enough stream of art-jobs to get by. Many of my fellow peers have to work non-art-related jobs while they work hard to improve in the after-hours, and I’m thankful that I can get by on art commissions.

But the secret is this: I am only just barely getting by. I am “making it” as a freelancer— I am— but just barely. I live month to month like many others, and don’t see a change in the foreseeable future. I have an expensive medical condition. It’s very expensive to live in LA but unfortunately necessary if I want to chase my current career track in the animation industry. I’m trying to fund my education outside a regular art school through online classes and ones at Concept Design Academy. They are both time consuming and expensive (for a good reason). Rent and bills are HIGH. Days are a long combination of work hours and school hours. 

This is the reality for me and thousands of other artists trying to get to the same place, all gunning for the same, limited positions. My story isn’t unique. The classmates I meet in my CDA classes deal with the same shit; how to balance work and school is a major one. Which do you prioritize? You paid $1000 for each class, so you’d better prioritize school, and your future… but if you let work fall to the wayside, how do you pay rent, bills, eat, the next round of classes? So you’d better prioritize work… but if you let your classes fall to the wayside what was the point of spending that $3000 on classes this semester you’re now working to make back? Everyone has a different way of finding balance. Usually at this stage of life, what falls to the wayside is sleep, a personal life, health. I try not to let that happen with varying degrees of success. 

Working in this field is pulling in a full day of work and then combating exhaustion with more hours of study. It’s a lot. And I know hundreds of my classmates and peers at CDA and other schools in the area (art center, LCAD, Otis, CalArts, etc) are going through the same struggle. Thousands of us. And that’s only in the LA area. I don’t want to be unrealistic with any of you. It’s a struggle, and I am often exhausted. 

And there’s always the unshakeable looming doom of “will I even make it”. I think every artist I’ve ever met has wrestled with this at some point. Even working professionals do, just listen to some interviews! Outsider Syndrome galore. “Will I be good enough?” “Will I be able to stand up to the thousands of others asking the same question?” I have to make a point every day to banish these intrusive thoughts or I will be severely hindered. And some days I fail, some days I’m an anxious wreck.

So let me address your questions. Why shouldn’t you worry about success? For the same reason I shouldn’t, and everyone shouldn’t. That unshakeable doom is over every one of our shoulders as we practice hard every day. And we HAVE to turn away from it or we wont have the mental space to focus on our responsibilities. 

It’s easy for anyone to say and hard for everyone to do. We all worry about success. It keeps everyone up at night. We all want safety and security in life. But if we allow that gnawing anxiety of “will I succeed” to seep into our daily lives, many of us will not be productive enough due to that anxiety. We all drown in it occasionally. I feel like shit about everything sometimes. You probably wrote this message when you were feeling a little bit shitty as well. 

But here’s what I have to say to you, someone who’s practicing hard every day, dreaming of improvement: 

Keep going.

That’s it. Thats all you can do. You’re on the same path as everyone else. We are all striving to find our place in this complex, ever-changing, unsteady industry. Keep moving forward. And don’t compare yourself to others; it will not help you.

Art is a very taxing career to build. There are thousands of foundational hours to be put in. Years. For a lot of people supporting themselves that means working unrelated jobs WHILE trying to build a career and it’s EXHAUSTING! (To a degree, I do that as well, considering the type of art I aspire to do professionally is very different than what I currently do as a freelancer.) 

I know why you’re frustrated! It’s not an easy path. If you aren’t finding enough joy from the experience to keep you motivated that it may be time to reconsider your career path. Not enough people stress that having art as a side job or even just a hobby is PERFECTLY FINE AND RESPECTABLE. Making art your day job is fucking HARD. 

So look; it sucks sometimes. Sometimes you have two deadlines by tomorrow at noon and you’re up at 5 am with 10 more hours of work to do wondering how you thought you could do this. Sometimes you’re finishing up a long 9 hour work day wondering how in hell you’re going to drag yourself to your figure drawing class that night. 

So keep going. Or don’t; that’s fine too. But if this is your dream, keep going. If you absolutely HAVE to reach that goal—if your BLOOD boils at the thought of giving up—if it’s your passion then it doesn’t matter where you are on the road to success. You know if you keep going, you’ll get there. So keep going. Practice harder. Practice SMARTER. Get a full night’s SLEEP for the love of GOD! And keep going.

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